Condoms: Your friendly “Contradomats”

Condoms: Your friendly “Contradomats”
By: Mike Dimaano

Condom is not just a six-letter-word for six-inch penises. They come in different colors and sizes with oozing flavors. Some are for sensation (“dotted”) and some are for penetration (premiere thin). It is the latest sexual innovation that has solved every sexual frustration.

These colorful toadstools, long-nosed “dumbos”, horn-eared torpedoes are friends, not foes. It’s not just about saving the world’s demography with a piece of rubber. It’s about you, saving yourself and your partner.

Condoms are the only contraceptive that help prevent both pregnancy and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases (including HIV) when used properly and consistently.

When do you use condoms? Well of course, intercourse, you need to use a new condom every time you have sexual intercourse.

It can be difficult to talk about using condoms. But you shouldn't let embarrassment become a health risk. Maybe Moses forgot to mention it but for me, it is the 11^th commandment.

Here are some “condomandments” for those knuckleheads: The dos and don’ts

1. Never say you don’t have it. Condoms are widely available in pharmacies, supermarkets and convenient stores. 711 is 24/7 and so is Mini Stop. You don't need a prescription or have to visit a doctor.
2. Thou shall not “impregnate” thy girlfriend. Wife is acceptable but girlfriend is a no no no. It’s too risky.
3. Never leave home without it. It is your bullet proof vest.
4. Thou shall not use the excuse “Don’t you trust me?” Trust isn't the point; people can have infections without realizing it.
5. Thou shall not say you don’t feel a thing when you wear a condom. Maybe that way you will last even longer and your partner will have to make up for it.
6. Thou shall not say putting it on is a hassle part. If you’re too lazy, keep it inside your pants. It’s a lousy excuse. He/ she can even help you putting it on anyway. And man, it could be more exciting and pleasurable.
7. Never say you will pull it out on time, you’re not Spiderman. Women can get pregnant and get STDs from pre-ejaculation
8. Never say “just this once.” Once is all it takes.
9. Never use the same condom twice. You know the drill.
10. Condoms should not be flushed down the toilet as they may cause blockages in the sewage system and pollution. I’m not joking.

Most men see condoms as a necessary evil. We see them as a chance to dress for success. And a lot of women cry over spilled semen. Rubbers can do more than just protect you from viruses and paternity suits.

Well condom is still a six-letter-word and so is rubber. And they will remain words if you don’t use them. So make a choice. It’s better safe than sorry.